When it's my time...

Now don’t stop reading right at the title figuring some morbid subject matter is about to be laid forth as food for thought. You would be partially correct, right after you remove the word “morbid” from that initial thought equation. But my aim, indeed, is to plant some good food for thought to have when it is our time…and we do all have one lingering out there somewhere. We come into this world with a birthdate and with an expiration date…and in the big scheme of things we are here but for a flash of time but it’s what we do with that flash of time that matters most to us when it’s our time. Some will ask themselves, "did I play my dealt hand of cards well?" And then there are those who will worry over, “wonder how she and/or he will remember me?" And even more will question, "did I leave my family enough?” The odd list can just go on; but it should not. So…I’m just gonna share forth my take on this and maybe it will seem like a more appealing approach…let’s just find out!

When it’s my time I would like to think that I always remained well prepared inside, with my soul anchored to the grip of my higher power, to meet that time. I would like to think that I had tied together as many worthy loose ends as I possibly could and that I had left most partings on amicable terms. I would like to think that, along my way, I had made some folks laugh more, smile more, ponder more, embrace more, converse deeply, and just plain touched as many people as was possible for me to touch in whatever way they needed at the time. I would like to think that each flower I planted would return again each year and blossom full and lovely. I would like to think that the words I have written will continue to be read. I would like to think I had been that needed shoulder and that I had had the comfort of having that shoulder when I needed it. I would like to think I would be remembered fondly by those who knew me well and at least respected by those who did not know me well. I would like to think that I had won fairly enough at life's game of pitch and toss and that I had planted some good karma to yield me kindly as I moved on to the next phase. I would like to think that I stopped more than often enough to admire and smell the roses and feel my soul become inebriated by a breathtaking sunrise or sunset. I would like to think I had accomplished many of my goals with notches of wonderful memories in my belt of journey. I would like to think that I had had the pleasure of learning as much from folks as I did when sharing of my knowledge with them. I would like to think, in most cases, that I had equally weighed the scales before making important life changing decisions. I would like to think that the ocean would always be as I had always seen it and that I would always feel it as I did when standing in the warm sand as its tide rolled over the shore. I would like to think that I had given fair thought to every detail of my being while here and that I left many with a solid reason to celebrate my life. I want folks to recall me as a helping hand and a relentless fighter in many corners. I would like to think it common knowledge that the expectation of nothing was what led any act of help or kindness I ever offered for I know full well that I had done it all because I cared and was in a position to help and that for me…that was enough. I would like to think I had built and spent a life of good quality surrounded by good quality people. I would like to think that I had spent my quarter wisely and rewardingly when I dropped it into the coin slot to the merry go round ride of my life. I would like to think that life and I were almost always on good terms and that I was a fine student to its many teachings. 

You see…this is how I feel we should all think, to some fulfilled degree. I wish to be missed not mourned…I wish to have left enough happiness scattered to and fro that a celebration was in order and that all felt my contentment inside their own hearts. I wish to be what I had always set out to be when I reach the finish line. I wish to coast across the next shoreline as I had those of my life. I hope, at that time, I served others well in return for anything that was paid forward for me. I hope even one life took a deeper, better breath because of me in some way. I hope I am sent forth with Godspeed, I hope I am met with open arms, and I hope that, for some, I am just too well loved to be forgotten. We spend so many wonderful years and irreplaceable moments with so many fine folks that cross our paths and I hope I bask in the aura of those moments for all of my eternal life and that I can honestly, truly, purely, deeply, and fully smile with approval for a job well done. 

When it's my time...                                                                                             

Pam's late-night thoughts.