Tuesday, February 27, 2024

Stalling for the fear of "no"...

That is a very real and wider spread fear that resides in more folks than we would probably imagine. The harsh fear of being told "no" to something we would like to do or some question we would like to ask or an idea we would like to toss out there…but standing there, like an iron wall, is the paralyzing fear of “what if I am told NO?” Let's address that fear as it will drown out so many things in our everyday life and so many opportunities could be missed. We have to be vigilant when a reply is necessary to that heavy of a question. 

First of all, you just may hear “no” as a response from various directions, for all of your life, more than you will hear “yes.” Not of all the answers are meant to be “yes” and, in fact, not all of the answers are even designed to be “yes.” I think once you can accept that harsh fact then that alone will loosen the grip of the fear of being told “no.” Funny thing about harsh facts is that once you acknowledge the fear of them and face them eye to eye then they shall slowly seem far less harsh than we thought. "No" does not necessarily mean "no not ever" or "no you cannot" or "no that can't be done" and so on and so on it goes when dealing with "no." Let us just use these three examples of "no" and breakdown and examine the possible true meaning as it could be.

When the word you hear is "no" it does not mean it is connected with "not ever" so look at it from a timing point of view and it may simply mean "no, not right now" as opposed to "not ever." Timing will always be the essence of everything and sometimes...it's just not the right time. There is, however, zero indication that the right time won't come along. All things come along in the moment that they are meant to and thus you must say to yourself "then perhaps tomorrow" and that is far more pleasant to the ear and far more encouraging to the spirit. 

When the word you hear is "no" it does not mean it is connected to "you cannot" so try to look at it from the view of a team effort so to speak. It may simply mean "no, not by yourself" as opposed to "no, you cannot." It may be that what you wish to accomplish is merely an endeavor that requires more than just you...as in one voice may not be heard as clearly as the voice of several. It may be one of those cases of power in numbers and so you must say to yourself "then I shall seek for aide" and then you can gather your arsenal of voices and conquer that endeavor that you wish to embark on. That frame of thought will, ultimately, get far more things accomplished. 

When the word you hear is "no" it does not mean it is connected to "that cannot be done" so try to look at it from the view of approach. It may simply mean "no, it cannot be done that way" as opposed to "no, it cannot be done." More often than not our angle of approach determines whether we succeed or not...as in trying the same thing from different sides will, in absolution, show you the best and most effective way to get it done. We succeed because we have failed and we failed by doing things the wrong way first but that does not resonate a "no, it cannot be done." Let it be advice that though "it cannot be done this way" it can surely be done another way. You must see all sides of the box and not just a box.

Now that all of that has been said I implore folks to stop stalling and to never stop trying things for the fear of hearing the word "no" and consider that the answers just simply may not be "yes" the way you thought you might hear it. 

Let "no" drive you, not stall you...

Friday, February 23, 2024

What is your personal poison...

 There is just no attempting to deny this one folks for we all have them...we all have those poisonous little enemies that reside inside of us. Naturally some will vary from person to person, but I have found that so many seem to be across the board in this era we are living in. Enemies do not have to loom large in order to be damaging, especially those internal poisons.

     Do you beat up on yourself when you have fallen short of an endeavor? You should, rather, see it as a lesson learned and you will know how to do better the next time. Why poison yourself for such a thing?

     Do you compare yourself with others? Do you measure yourself by what others can do that you do not think you can do? You should be seeing those as opportunities for growth by sharing...not comparing. Be the unique person you were meant to be for comparing yourself with others will only make you vain and bitter. Why do such a thing?

      Do you fight the good fight every day, win or lose? You always should so long as you are fighting the fights worth fighting for. Do not fret for some things in life are just not worth fighting for or about. Choose your battles wisely or you will poison yourself yet again. Why do such a thing?

       Some of the poisons are small things that loom large and can become overwhelming. Remember that everything has a 50/50 chance at the beginning and that every coin has two sides. You MUST search for the positive side for each time you allow yourself to be against yourself then you are only poisoning you. Why do such a thing? Give things their due attention and thought for nothing can be fixed until ask yourself the question of clarity...What is MY personal poison...?


Wednesday, February 21, 2024

That was then...This is now

 That was then, this is now…but later on down the road is when the mix of “then and now” come together. But that simple phrase of distinction of time to what was and to what is, that’s one powerful thing, and then throw in that it gets better after it all comes together and time blends. Could be…as good as anything to pin hopes on. My bestie…wouldn’t know where to begin but we know where it all began and over what flavor of latte to boot but variables, finances, work, those extras we can’t do but we do anyway, and the whole culmination of things that separate what was from what is has stepped up to try to block our path…but what if only a small portion of what was has altered between it and what is…that’s because not all things are designed to change…not all things change simply because time does...I am not of the notion that all things and all people change because time thinks they should…sometimes there is another slice of the pie. This brings me to a personal gap of quicksand and rush to rescue calling my name…

So I guess most folks figure that what was then was destined to change before getting to what now is…valuable things and valuable people do not  have to always change during that period as we move towards the moment when it all meshes together and just keeps going…there is nothing I would change from then or from now with our deep and ever growing friendship…oh yes, we look back at how much fun we had “then” and how we have little time for that “now” but that’s idle chit chat for deep down…way deep down it’s just as grand, if not better, now than it was then…we didn’t change, our bond didn’t change, our focused direction didn’t change…it all evolved instead…so see, not everything or everyone along our path is meant to just change…it isn’t meant to make you yearn for then because now seems so cloudy busy…the universe is unfolding as it should…it always has and it always will and when you stand with that “soulmate friend”…that “you complete me friend” in this time of “this is now” you should have equal or more fond memories as you did when it was “then”…let the eddies of time flow natural and keep tight to that which has traveled with you and has made “what is now” just as precious, priceless, and almost too perfect as it was when it “was then”…for now you know the lines have remained parallel beside each other and that every day is a warm promise that they will continue to do so all the way into “what awaits later” on down the road…consider it riding the colorful waves of a rainbow and splashing into that pot of gold together…all because you didn’t allow “that was then” to dampen or lessen “this is now” and with that being said life will lead you forward for all of the glory moments of “what will be.” 

Pam Scholes

Tuesday, February 13, 2024

Making the Magic Happen...

There is almost nothing as great and as fulfilling and as rewarding as when you make the magic happen for one who has lost their own magic making skills. To me a day of pure success is when you finally sit down and lean back to relax and your heart is running over because you were able to make the magic happen for one that needed it even more than you knew they did. Some folks are inside their own heads silently fighting for their lives and you show up with your "magic wand" and bag of "sparkling joy" and change the entire trajectory of the direction their day was headed in. You can't always make the magic happen but boy oh boy when you can it is absolutely the berries! Let me introduce this magic making agenda in action...

I have a swell friend name John who lives with Myotonic Muscular Dystrophy and without his electric scooter chair he isn't able to get out and do very much so I will get him out to go to the store or lunch or just cruise a bit but today 2/12/2024 was his "double nickels" birthday and I wanted to make it special for him. His mother, who is 88, fell last week and broke her left hip and is currently in a rehab hospital following surgery and they have not seen each other since the 6TH of this month and she worries about him and he worries about her. I check on him daily several times and have spent a few long days visiting his mom, whom I just absolutely love to pieces, making sure she has what she needs and that all things are going as they should and that she is being well tended to. Today was a special day so I took John to Dynasty Asian Restaurant just 6 miles from the rehab/hospital she is in. I did not say one word about taking him to see her so after a huge lunch meal I drove us to see her. I had to wheelchair him to her room since she is way back in the north 40 and that was a hike I knew he could not make. But the reward that melts the heart began as soon as I wheeled him into her room...it was a Norman Rockwell painting...it was a Hallmark happiness card...it was a pure kodak moment and I was privileged to be the only one who got to see them exchange that "I am so glad to see you" look. We had a great visit, snuck her in some fried rice, and the lunch was fabulous and I could feel John's happiness vibe all around him. At the end of the day after a 40 minute ride home John proclaimed that this was his best birthday ever and smiling like a little boy at Christmas...pure joy radiated from him. When I got him settled in at home, before heading to my own home, he gave me a big hug and said: "thank you so much for making my birthday so special cause I had a great, great day!!" Well, I was toast then! I simply told him: "you are more than welcome, and I couldn't be happier that I was able to make it special for you." John spends much time tired, in pain, and just restless so to see him having a big lunch and smiling and joking around was such a treat...and the cherry on top was managing to get him to see her without him realizing it until we had arrived. He needed to see her for himself and know that she is a trooper full of spirit and that she is doing wonderful...he needed to know that, and he just wanted to talk to his mom for a little bit. I love them both very much and somehow it all worked out right on point. So, I sit here now, propped up in bed with my computer in my lap, smiling to myself as I remanence over the day's events and the joy I saw all around them and the fun of his birthday dine in, and my heart is more than satisfied that, for today, I was able to "Make the magic happen..." 

Pam Scholes