Lane of memories

 We all take that occasional stroll down memory lane...down our lane of memories to revisit the paths that lay behind us; the ones that led us to the place we are now. Each of us finds ourselves, at times, unable to not revisit the journey that is paved with our footsteps. For some, the lane of memories can be haunting...it can be littered with fragments and flashes of a time we may wish to set aside and forget...even though forgetting is generally energy spent in vain. In so many ways it is most beneficial to us if we stare those memories in the eye so that we do not forget...do not forget where we came from...do not forget how far we have come...do not forget what made us who we are...do not forget that we have earned our happy spot in life...do not forget to remain steadfast and humble as we travel forward...do not forget that all happened for the reason of yielding to something better now...do not forget that the roadblocks were merely challenges...do not forget that, while we cried, we also laughed and lived...do not forget the decisions made in haste...do not forget the chances never taken...do not forget to trust ourselves now as we trusted ourselves then...do not forget to never squander time...do not forget those who cradled us in darker times...do not forget that fear is almost necessary in order to succeed...do not forget your original dream and all the passion it was built of...do not forget that laughter shines thru tears as the sun shines thru the rain...

See, there is much to remember and equally as much to forget but there is so much more to remember to not forget...today is a product of yesterday and tomorrow will be the product of today and so on the journey goes...so when you find yourself looking down the abyss, that is your lane of memories, do not forget that it all mattered...that it all counted...that it all meant something...that it was all worth it...and that you are better because if it all.  

Pam's late-night thoughts...  

I don't think I can make it to Friday!!!

 We all know the look of “I just don’t think I can make it to Friday!" And those looks, I swear, begin right out of the weekly gate!

The Hair Do that should have remained in place for a day or two, at least in some way, has fallen by noon on Monday about the same time we realize that that other sock IS navy, not black! The lunch we took the time to make, to bring to work, will just have to wait because if we don’t take that 5–10minute break when we can then we don’t get any break…not today! Those “I’ve missed lunch today” glares peak by Tuesday and now everyone is suspect looking over who is going to be “the one” that tips my teapot! You dread Wednesday so bad, as the last two days didn’t close the deal that great, that you can’t sleep Tuesday night and the more frustrated you get, the more you toss and turn. So now we drag ourselves out of bed Wednesday morning and shuffle to the coffee maker with that “I haven’t slept or had coffee so whatever it is I’m not the answer” look! We walk into work and people just stare as they keep their distance, wondering what our grumbling face is all about while wearing their “gosh I hope it’s not me” pleading faces. Even the dog had sensed the aura that “it’s not a good time” and will hold it before indicating to us they need to go out! Wednesday will officially be the longest day on earth by 1:30 as we now scoot around to the beat of the slowest ticking clock ever! By the time the workday ends we half walk, half shuffle to our cars, in a daze, to join the masses filled with road rage for the manic, lane fighting ride home! Of course, that 2% chance of rain arrived, in the form of a monsoon, half hour ago and had clearly poured the whole time. We manage to survive our way home, only to get soaking wet after deciding “it’s not going to let up” and making that mad dash from the car to the front door. Oh, don’t forget about the puddle of water we parked in and stepped into gearing up for that mad dash to safety and how our shoes and feet are sloshing wet, and how our hair is flatly stuck to our head! We rip the wet clothes off and yank on the loosest most comfy thing we own and collapse onto the couch. We begin to, without realizing it, pray about Thursday as the chances of seeing Friday seem very distant! Too tired to cook anything we settle on a banana and go to bed hungry! The alarm clock sounds off Thursday morning and we angrily slap it quiet! We know that no amount of coffee in the world can pull us from that “I don’t want to go to work” plotting mentality! Only because we have to, we suck it up and get prepared for battle and stomp our way into work wearing that “not today folks” smear with that "I dare you" grin! The chance of un-wrinkling our smug face is not looking good. We hide in our offices, the back of the break room, pretend to be on the phone, and consume more coffee than we should. Now we are truly on the edge! Two days later, it seems, 5:00 rolls around and we flee like the school bell just let out at recess to discover we have forgotten our purse or briefcase on our desk and begin to argue with ourselves about whether we REALLY need it today or not! Of course, we had missed lunch again and concede that we must produce some kind of dinner. We put the food on the stove to cook and have a seat. The situation has now entered the point of no return, and we lay our head down for just a moment and it's lights out while the food bubbles and boils. This is the final straw, and all evidence is screaming “I just don’t think I can make it to Friday." We have approached the finish line but the “crossing it feeling” has negatively consumed us. And you find yourself looking just like the pic below…exhausted and filled with the “I just don’t care” attitude. Friday survival just can’t be thought about as we accept that we probably will not win. I’m going to cease here as Friday remains to be seen…I am curious how many will make it thru that dreadful day figuring “Murphys Law” awaits us where everything that could go wrong most likely will! Exhibit A rests below! Enjoy the laughs of “I don’t think I can make it to Friday” looks!”

Pam's early morning chuckles...

Oh, How Much I Would Wish...

    If I were in the position to hand out and grant wishes I would wish so much for so many. I would wish that I could let everyone see the world through my eyes and me see it, in return, through their eyes. I would wish that for one harmonious moment that all in the world had a voice of song and sang it together in exultation. I would wish that everyone we smiled at would smile back at us, show a tiny fraction of kindness. I would most certainly wish for more love to be in more hearts and that those hearts beat in unison with another.

    I would wish for more times to laugh and less times to cry even though I understand that they are both important. I would wish that for a moments time that all people felt no hunger, had shelter, and got to feel what it feels like to be free. I would wish for every ear to hear the birds and every eye to see the sunrise. I would above all wish peace in all souls, a place for peace to be safe and protected. I could go on and on and share my wishes forever and hopefully, with these words, I am. I wish...

Pam's late-night wishes

A tribute to a phenomenal woman...my mother

Shirley Dowlen:

You are an amazing woman…an amazing person...life has been one grand journey riding on your coattails as your daughter...you’ve been everything...you've been more than everything...you’ve been at every turn...around every bend...waiting for me to find my way...you’ve been my nourishment and often my very air...you taught me to learn from every step I took...you’ve been my safety net when there were none...you’ve been the voice over every noise...you’ve been the warmth in every freeze...you’ve been the sun behind my clouds...and the rays that shined thru...you’ve been my blanket of comfort for all of my life...you were the steps I began to follow...they helped me lead my own way...every time I wandered, I found you waiting...you’ve been my sounding board and fireside...you were my hope when I lost sight of mine...you’ve been my encouragement in the face of all diversity and challenges…you’ve surrounded me every day...without exception...you’ve overcome incredible odds...done amazing things...you’ve been a salvation to so many who were in need...

So here we are...what could I possibly say that would measure up?...that would even near equaling what you’ve been to me?...I’m a writer, an author, a songwriter and yet the words elude me...therefore I shall tell you simply/deeply/fiercely how much I love, admire, and thank you...

I hope I have served you well in return...my cup always runneth over…❤️

Pam's late-night feelings...

Who's that talking to me?

Yep, it's those voices again...are you listening? 

I am not talking about hearing voices that aren't real...I am talking about that voice inside your head, that voice inside your heart, and that voice inside your gut. Now, that sure does sound like an awful lot of voices doing an awful lot of talking and you would be spot on right! The kinda sad part is that we aren't listening to any of them near as much as we should. We drown out our very own "other side to consider" voices because it just seems easier to listen to someone else's voice, say the same thing, to us than it does to listen to our own. Why do you think that is? 

Now, I'm gonna throw you one even better...each of my three mentioned voices (head, heart, gut) will not only each take their turn at speaking to us, but they will also, assuredly, be in conflict with each other in some way as they speak from three very different parts of us. This is how I see it...

The voice inside your head is the voice of logic and will tell you that all reasoning stems from logic...however, we know that is not always true. The voice inside your heart is one of feeling and will tell you that it would never lead you astray...however, we know that is not always true. The voice inside your gut is the voice of independent thought and it will tell you that it is unbiased...however, this one is the one that is most true. This is my own personal thoughts on this gathered from the paths of my own personal journey. When I pause and reflect, now understanding the power of my gut, I can see so many times I would have fared better had I listened to my gut. My gut was indeed unbiased, it had nothing at stake to lose, and it was telling me what I needed to hear but I was too torn between the voice of what either my head or my heart was telling me, which was much more of what I wanted to hear. It applies to everything folks and I mean everything...your needs should always come before your wants. I encourage all to follow what leads you best, but I am willing to bet that everyone can look back and say, at least once, "I should have listened to my gut!" So, having said all of that the next time you wonder, "who's that talking to me," it is one of your three inner voices, and it may be all three of them that show up. I do encourage everyone to pay attention to them, to listen to them, and to tune in completely with your gut before answering to any of them! 

Pam's late-night thoughts...

So little, So much

We have been in this warp, too long, of where we seem to have so little to work with and yet so much to do. We are so tired that when we look at the tools we have, and they just appear worn down, it can be a disheartening moment as these are the tools that were meant to help us overcome. There is so little left out there that isn't overwhelming and yet, somehow, we are meant to be okay with our daily lives being way too much to be okay with. This is how life has come at us...swift, full of fury, and swinging fists with handfuls of even more to add to our load. But the entire world is in some state of chaos like it has never been before and the load just gets too damn heavy to tote...even for the strongest of us. We, by all standards, are built stronger than we think but to me it seems more than unfair that, most of us, don't have the time to enjoy our lives because we barely have enough time to manage our lives! Paint it any way you want but, broken down, it should be counted as one of those unacceptable things...counted just as much as we count all of the other things we find unacceptable. Most of us wake our "so little" up each morning and go to work at a job now full of so much discord, jealousy, and straight anger. And in some small, roundabout, kinda way we are at fault for surrendering our passion to stand up with a firm, united voice and demand what we deserve as human beings, as people...we are flat worth way more than "so little." This particular subject actually left my lips in a conversation with my mother, and I jumped up and left her on the couch and raced to my room, and attached little office, to share my thoughts with you. It can make one question where humanity has gone to. But I still maintain the belief that kindness cannot be cured, thank almighty, but that we do need to rouse it out of bed and wake it back up. We have worked, sweated, and earned so much more than the so little we get rewarded with...this "so little, so much" needs to cease fire so that us people, the people who are the spokes to the big wheel, can enjoy our successes and just be happy. I simply do not think that that so little bit is too much for us to, rightfully, ask for.

So much of Pam's daily thoughts...

The looking glass...

Mirror, Mirror on the wall,

The only truth to tell it all. 

Yes indeed...it’s those, often dreaded, all truth telling mirrors that we just don’t always have it in us to stare into every day. See, if we really have it coming then the mirror will be the first one to let us know it and the first one to let us have it and those are the times we will absolutely and deliberately avoid them all! Well, I call them the looking glass and if looked into properly it will shed so much light on us and the who we are way deep down inside. It takes courage to stand before the looking glass, bare and raw, with no mask, and ask that reflection some serious questions. It takes courage because what you will receive back from the looking glass is the truth, sometimes the brutal truth, and it takes pure grit to deal with the brutal truth. We have to be strong enough to ask what stares back at us if we are happy with who we really are right now. We have to soil our hands in that garden growing within us and discuss facts and truths about ourselves with ourselves. That's right, only we hold the answers to who we are inside and the answers to who we wish to become. We know the steps required to reach our goals. We know whether or not we are content with what that mirror has to say. If we have fallen short on something, then the mirror will call us out on it, and it will tell us to get up and to go try again! For some people having to take self-action brings about fear as we are making a bargain with ourselves to take that action, and we best not break that bargain as it will disappoint the mirror the most. All of that is just another part of the deals we make with ourselves, and we have to want that change, badly enough, to work hard enough to be able to smile for that smile back from our looking glass. There is so much we can learn from ourselves; we know far more than we even realize. There are always many questions to ask that reflection in the mirror and it will indeed answer you honestly…it will give you the uncoated sugar version. It shall, however, keep us in check if we converse, more often, with the reflection in the looking glass...the mirror hanging on the wall. Let us not, however, overlook the positive, uplifting feeling of success when that reflection does smile back at us approvingly for a job well done...why, that is just about the best feeling ever!

Pam’s morning thoughts for the day…